Hark! A man is speaking:

Tinder Prediction: while yes, you are correct that the slate of available dong is BLEAK, the experience itself has thawed your internal resistance and storytelling that has held you down much like Gulliver and his experience on the island of Lilliput (in which the Lilliputians were able to tie him down while he slept via a hundred threads working together). Tinder was never THE ANSWER, it was the gym to allow you to loosen parts of you long since dormant. Now that that has been loosened you are now capable of rising to meet that sexy available professor who's capable of proper banter and pussy popping that you know you deserve and are capable of fielding. Happy birthday my dear friend.